2/19/2024 0 Comments Happy Trails to Barq
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11/15/2023 0 Comments Dog Massage – A Hope FulfilledIn 2011, I chose learning “therapeutic dog massage” as one of my “retirement” projects. I love dogs and being with them has been transformational in my life. I enrolled in an eight-month course at the Bancroft School of Massage. The teaching focused on anatomy, understanding dog behavior, and traditional massage techniques. My hope was to be a healing presence for the dogs, their owners and myself. However, I did not have a specific plan of what to do with my newly acquired skill. The first three years after graduation was simply learning the trade. I massaged hundreds of dogs, all sizes and shapes, in a variety of settings including shelters, doggy daycares, veterinary clinics, and in their homes. By year four, I started teaching classes to dog owners and began searching for my niche. By year six, I found that my calling was accompanying many elderly dogs and their owners all the way to the rainbow bridge. It was, and is, very soulful work. I discovered that owners are quite different. While they all love their dogs (who else would hire a dog massager) some were rarely at home while I massaged their dog. (I had the entry code). Some were in the house working on something else, while others stayed with their dog and me throughout the entire one-hour massage. Lisa, Bella’s mom, was always present for the Bella’s massages. Since I visited every Wednesday for two years, that makes 100 massages or 100 hours that we all spent together. Week after week, when I returned home, I would tell Catherine how much I enjoyed the experience, and I shared many stories about Bella and Lisa. When Bella passed, Catherine suggested that we invite Lisa and her husband, Jim, to our house for a “celebration of life” for Bella. Lisa’s letter captures so beautifully the hope I had when I started this whole adventure. October 31, 2023 Dear Catherine and David, Jim and I are so grateful to you for the kindness that you have shown us. You welcomed us into your home with a huge hug and lots of understanding about what we are going through. We consider ourselves lucky to have been supported by so many in the loss of our girl, yet you are the only ones getting a personalized letter and here’s why: David, how can I ever thank you enough for giving Bella so much of your time, talent, and love? You came here very week without fail and not only helped Bella, but helped me too with your incredibly positive view of the world. Looking at my calendar, I found that your first visit with us was on October 13, 2021, before Bella’s tumor was even found. I called you on the advice of someone I didn’t even know, as she was not taking any new patients and had heard good things about you. I could not have dreamed that her advice would change the lives of Bella, Jim, and myself. You had never traveled as far as Haverhill for one of your patients, but you told me that you’d give it a try and see how it all worked out. In my opinion, it worked out pretty darn well. Thanks you so much for taking a chance on a dog so far from your normal circle of travel. Bella needed help and you answered her call. Toward the end of our two years together, (almost to the exact day; we met you on October 13, 2001 and Bella passed on October 10, 2023), you helped me as much as you helped Bella. You gave me your opinion on how you felt Bella was doing each week. That gave Jim and I incredible confidence that we were doing the right thing by keeping her with us. Others may have thought differently due to her bad limp and their lack of knowing her. They didn’t have your expertise and didn’t know Bella the way you did. I wanted to say all this to you on the day that Jim and I visited you and Catherine at your home, but I knew I would sob to the point where I was no longer intelligible. Never did I imagine I would find a friend during an exceptionally tough part of my (and Bella’s and Jim’s) life. Most people run in the other direction. So, thanks once again. We feel truly blessed to have you in our lives. With much Gratitude and Love, Lisa, Jim & Bella (in spirit) 10/31/2023 0 Comments The Barking Dog - Mediation Sometimes the “power” of the mediators is simply to show up and listen. In this case, the parties were stuck because they could not figure out how to re-start a conversation that they both wanted to have. With the mediators present and listening, it became possible. This mediation occurred at a housing authority of a small town near where I live. The housing authority oversees public housing. They often use mediators when they cannot resolve the conflict. The over-riding rule in public housing is that tenants cannot switch where they live, even if they are not getting along with their neighbor. Thus, everyone must do their best to get along. Upstairs Neighbor - woman, in her 70s, elegant in style, nicely dressed My co-mediator and I first listened to the upstairs neighbor. She had complained to the housing authority, and they contacted us. She had only one complaint, but for her it was a big one. The downstairs neighbor had a dog with a high-pitched bark. The dog barked constantly during the day. She worked part-time and, on her days off, she really wanted peace and quiet. A month earlier, she had spoken to her neighbor about stopping his dog from barking. The conversation quickly degenerated and they ended calling each other names. She felt badly about that and did not want to go over the details. She simply wanted the dog to stop barking. We acknowledged that her wish was for peace, quiet, and enjoying her apartment. Downstairs Neighbor – man, in his 70s, a bit rough around the edges, casually dressed The downstairs neighbor also acknowledged that he said things in the heat of the moment, and he also felt badly about it. He told us that his dog, a two-year old chihuahua cross, was the “love of his life.” He had no intention whatsoever of putting her in a cage when he was not there. When we told him that we understood how important the dog was to him, he became relatively calm. He said that he would prefer to get along with his neighbor, and that he gets along well with his other neighbors. We asked him if could tell us more about the situation. He said that his dog likes to jump up on the back of the couch and look out the living room window where she sees many people and dogs walking by. Every time she sees someone, she barks. When he is there, he tells her to stop barking and she stops. But when he is not there, she continues. He tried putting up some curtains so she could not see out. However, she is such a smart dog, she crawled under the curtains to look out the window. We acknowledged his dog’s intelligence. “Any other thoughts that would give your neighbor peace, and also allow your dog some free range through the apartment?” we asked. “Well, yes. I can easily put a little barrier up so that she can have easy access to the bedroom and the kitchen, but not the living room, when I am out of the apartment.” “Do you think it might work?” we inquired. “I hope so, but it might take her a few days to get used to it.” We asked the upstairs neighbor if she thought this might solve the problem. She said she was hopeful, but is taking a wait and see approach. She would also give the dog some time to adapt. We wrote a little agreement that they both signed, and it seemed that the very air in the room had cleared. As he was leaving, he turned to her and said “maybe we can have coffee?” She rolled her eyes and we all laughed. . 9/26/2023 0 Comments What’s It All About?The Investigation To gain access to the deeper recesses of my own being, I have learned to actively use my imagination to invite a wise person to help me. During my business career, I often called upon him as a consultant to help me make the best possible decisions. I think that all genuine religious and spiritual traditions are well advanced in this kind of exploration using saints, deities, guardian angels and other marvelous beings for visualizations and interventions. Recently, I asked for some guidance. It was non-specific, just a chance to go deeper into the heart of mystery, the heart of life. I suggested that he ask me a question to get the ball rolling. I sat quietly and simply waited. Out of nowhere, the theme song from a 1960s movie popped into my mind “What’s it all about, Alfie? Is it just for the moment we live?” Within a few heartbeats, a profusion of images filled my consciousness. And emerging from the center of this colorful explosion, almost like a hologram, was the word: CONNECTION This rang true and felt like the start of an investigation, so I let it be. The Article A few days later, I was reading an article in the Fall, 2023 edition of Tricycle, my favorite Buddhist magazine. It was written by Anne Klein and called the Big Picture. The postscript said that Anne was a professor of religious studies at Rice University and a founding teacher at Dawn Mountain Center for Tibetan Buddhism in Houston. Her first paragraph elegantly captured the essence of my experience / vision. Here it is. “We are all children of the Big Bang. We come from space. Everything we see and touch comes from space. Our blood carries iron, sourced in the explosive energy of supernovas. We as individuals are not separate from this grandeur. My breath, my iron, was once in someone else’s body and will be again. Yours likewise. Connection is central to our existence, but we seldom live as if it is. We feel separate from others, and from society at large, yet we don’t want to be alone. We feel separate from our greatest potential, yet we want to succeed. We feel separate from our own inner life, yet we yearn to feel more alive. Our sense of separateness is at the core of our suffering. Experientially, we long for the wholeness of deep connection even as that very wholeness eludes us. How to repair this is the essential lesson we humans need to learn.” Later in the article she shared a beautiful ancient poem from the Tibetan Buddhist tradition: Nothing, not even one thing, Does not arise from me. Nothing, not even one thing, Dwells not within me. Everything, just everything Emanates from me. Thus, I am only one! Knowing me is knowing all. Great bliss. That was it for that day, but I still felt more was to come. The Dream A few days later, I had a dream. I was in a large gathering place that reminded me of Faneuil Hall in Boston where street performers often entertain family audiences. Today, there was a very good juggler. He came over and offered me three balls to juggle. I made a lame excuse that I had once known how to juggle but… I felt my arms and back tighten and I could not juggle well. I did not like where the dream was going so utilizing a “lucid dream” technique, I changed the dream’s direction, just like a little push, and then let the dream unfold again. I was still in the square but this time, my neck, shoulders, and arms were relaxed. Also, my feet were moving as if I had very large clown shoes on, but it was not necessary to have the literal shoes. No costume was required. This time, when the juggler came over, I only took one ball. I began doing all sorts of marvelous things with it. I stretched out my arms, put the ball in the palm of one hand and simply flicked it to the other hand. I rolled the ball up one arm, over my back and down the other arm. I tossed the ball high in the air and caught it on the back of my neck. With my large clown feet, I hackeysacked the ball and caught it with the other foot. I was having such fun and then noticed a crowd had gathered. I picked three children and put them in a half-circle on my right side and then another three children and put them on my left. There was one space still open directly across from me. I looked behind that space and saw a child in a wheelchair with a baseball cap. He had muscular dystrophy and was all twisted up. The wheelchair was old, not the type he could control, so his mother had to push him into our little circle. I began giving instructions – stretch out your arms, move away from the circle, come in closer again, turn around, shake, shake, shake. All the children as well as the audience were having a wonderful time. We were all in it together, connected. And I then realized that I was teaching them the hokey-pokey because “That’s what it’s all about.” I brought it to a close and borrowed the boy’s baseball cap for donations. The audience quickly filled the hat to overflowing with all denominations of bills $1, $10, $50. I took the hat and simply taking the bill on the top, handed it to each child. They probably got different amounts and I realized that we all must play the hand we have been dealt. I now bundled up the baseball cap with the money and gave it to the boy’s mother. For the first time, I looked at her carefully and realized she was an immigrant from another country, probably Guatemala. She was crying tears of joy. She had just brought her son to the square for an outing, and now all this. I smiled at her, then turned around and disappeared into the crowd. I woke up, ever so softly, into a new day. 7/29/2023 0 Comments Day #20 - ReflectionThis last writing for this Pod is my reflection on the past 20 days. Tomorrow is a large group celebration which seems very appropriate after this journey. I look upon this Pod and Service Space as a school for consciousness, a school for good citizenship (both local and global), and even a school for being better humans. That such a thing exists and thrives in our time is heartwarming for me. First, a big thank-you to a) all the people at Service Space who put this together and kept it going. A wonderful effort. b) all the people in my Pod who sent in their daily writings and commented on what I wrote c) all the people on my distribution list and Facebook who shared their thoughts and feelings based on what I wrote. I have tried to respond to everyone as best as I could. There were several surprises for me and I really loved them. Today, while food shopping at Market Basket, a large supermarket chain, I wondered if that also could be a school for consciousness / citizenship / humanity. They hire baggers when young people turn 14. Most of the baggers are boys and this may be their first job. They are often distracted by one thing or another. I wondered if these boys had been in a monastic order or even special circumstances, could their experience be transformative for themselves as well as all the customers who are buying groceries. Although this seems a flight of fantasy, I have seen it happen in a different setting. For 10 years Catherine and I volunteered for a week each summer at Camp Fatima in New Hampshire, a camp for special needs (exceptional citizens) children. There were 150 campers and 350 staff for a total of 500 people for the week. The waiters were a group of 14-year-old high school boys who, year after year, became transformed by the entire experience. These could easily have been the same boys working at Market Basket, but the outcome was entirely different. The camp functioned as a school for consciousness / citizenship / humanity for these boys. In some cases, the experience was so profound that the boys came back year after year. They became counselors and staff and helped other young waiters as well as the campers. Quite encouraging indeed. 7/28/2023 0 Comments Day #19 - UnlearnMy wife and I are learning Polish and are beginners – maybe even slightly advanced beginners because we can now read and basically pronounce the words. We sing in the Polish choir. We can even make simple sentences but get completely lost when someone asks us a simple question like “how are you?”
The unlearning is that Polish is NOT structured like English. Words can move anywhere in a sentence depending on emphasis. Ends of words fit into “cases” where there is no equivalent in English. It is so cool to realize that the way my thinking (brain) has been structured from childhood is only one possible way of making sense of the world. It is a perfectly good way but limited perhaps like all other languages. This realization comes often and each time I find myself happy and energized to experience this. However, in my next lifetime, I am going to be born in Switzerland or some other place where all the children can speak 4 languages by the time they are ten years old! 7/27/2023 0 Comments Day #18 - CommunityThe “new” story – Community
These days, I see myself as a part of many communities: religious, spiritual, animal, environmental, psychological, and so on. My sense of being imbedded includes humans, but so much more. As a remarkable bonus, the major disease of our time, alienation / loneliness / disconnection etc. is not part of my everyday experience. I often experience myself as a strange composite of all the communities inside my body, communities of little beings, sometimes very little, but communities all the same. It is this deep sense of connection, interbeing if you prefer, that I wish for all humans. It makes an enormous difference in how everything is experienced. Animals feel this naturally. This Pod, the “new story pod” is yet another community rowing in this direction. It is, and has been a great privilege being part of it. I want to add this little story to yesterday's post. I remembered it before I fell asleep. Bickfords I was 21, had arrived in Boston, and had found my mentor, Cesareo, a fiery Cuban, 35 years old. We were having breakfast at Bickford’s, a family restaurant from another era, and as usual, I had all sorts of questions and frustrations. “Why is it that when I say something about inner growth, etc., no one seems to listen to me. When you say the same thing, people do listen.” Cesareo listened to both my question and my frustration. “Even if I told you, you could not really understand.” “Why is that?” “Because there is something you need that neither I nor anyone else can give you.” “And what’s that?” “10 years!” I was quiet. “If you still are speaking your truth from your understanding, then eventually, others will hear you.” Advice to Younger self
First – As I am now 76, “younger” generally means anyone under 60, myself or anyone else. Each age has its tasks and challenges, and there is great variation on how to go about this. Second – I rarely give advice. I prefer to accompany others as they go through their adventures / misadventures. Third – I like to explore with questions like these
7/24/2023 0 Comments Maybe or the law of otherwiseWhen I was in my young 20s, I met Irmis Popoff, a marvelous teacher in the Gurdjieff tradition. She was in her 70s and I thought she so old, like my grandma. Now that I am in my 70s, maybe I was just so young! She taught us something she called “the law of otherwise,” a deceptively simple practice that I have been working on for the past 50 years. It is that anything, everything can be understood “otherwise” than it appears at first impression.
What makes this teaching so empowering is the possibility for any of us, at any time, to bring a different level of understanding to what is happening. A different understanding allows me to see the situation differently, and thus the options for engagement expand exponentially. Just a few examples
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David FeldmanDog walker, Dog Mediator, Father, Husband, Categories |