4/26/2021 0 Comments THIRD EDUATION – THERAPY DOGSWe (Catherine, Elizabeth and I) continued to train our dogs, Shamrock and Daisy, both at home and in dog school classes. After more than a year, they “earned” their good citizen certificate. The Canine Good Citizen (CGS) test is a nationally recognized program that instills a sense of responsibility and good manners in dogs and owners alike. The heart of the program is the 10-step CGS test. The test consists of the following practical exercises: 1. Accepting a friendly stranger 2. Sitting politely for petting 3. Appearance and grooming 4. Walking on a loose leash 5. Walking through a crowd 6. Sit and down on command and staying in place 7. Coming when called 8. Reaction to another dog 9. Reacting (or not reacting) to a distraction 10. Supervised separation. Each one of these requirements was specifically taught and “tested” in our trainer’s (Jen Kesner’s) classes. After we worked on each of these separately and had some success, we were invited to advanced classes to solidify all these abilities. Jen’s creativity made the experience remarkably fun and useful. For example, we played “musical chairs with dogs.” This meant that the dogs would have to stay on the side watching the pandemonium and wait to be called. Only when we were actually seated in our chair could we call them. The dogs would then have to come to us quickly and sit quietly by our side. First person with a dog sitting quietly wins. Good boy, Shamrock. Good girl, Daisy, Cookie time!! When Catherine, Elizabeth and I felt that our dogs had become consistent and trustworthy enough, we wondered if they could become official therapy dogs and bring them to a nursing home. We discovered that the MSPCA would “officially” test the dogs and award them a certificate that nursing homes would accept. So, off to Boston, with great hope that our dear dogs would pass. And they did, Yay! We applied to a local nursing home 15 minutes from our house and went there every other Sunday for the next four years. Our nursing home visits were a joyful and deeply touching experience. Some of the residents had not had visitors for a long time and really perked up when they saw the dogs. As they petted our dogs, they often told us about their own dogs in great detail. Some residents, even those mostly catatonic or with Alzheimer’s came alive in amazing ways because of the dogs. Elizabeth, Catherine, the two dogs and I made a great family team. We usually celebrated our visits with ice cream and, of course, included the dogs. Catherine and her “helpers” When we started bringing the dogs to the nursing home, Catherine was the director of Senior Services for Manchester, a small seacoast town. One of her duties was to visit shut-ins and find out important information to help the social worker and / or nurse working with the person. Often the person would not allow anyone in. Catherine would bring Shamrock or Daisy on these visits. When the senior peered out the window, they would see the dog and let them in. Catherine shared many of these stories with me. Here’s one. Mary let Daisy and me in after peering out her window and seeing Daisy. She loves Daisy and we go every month. As usual, Daisy sat in front of Mary and gently put her paw on Mary’s knee. Daisy looked up at Mary with her soft brown dog eyes. Catherine – “Mary, Daisy would like to know when was the last time you ate something?” Daisy would turn her heads towards Catherine as she spoke and then look back to Mary. Mary - “Oh Daisy, I had a few eggs yesterday.” Catherine – “Mary, Daisy would like to know what medications you are taking.” Mary – “Oh Daisy, I don’t remember.” And on it would go like this until all of “Daisy’s” questions were answered. Sometimes Mary saved something delicious for Daisy to eat but if not, Catherine always brought a few dog cookies for Mary to give to Daisy. Mary - “Bye Daisy”. Catherine – “Say goodbye Daisy” Mary – “Please come again” And thus, over eight years, both Shamrock and Daisy became well known and well-loved throughout Manchester. It was fitting that when the dogs passed away, first Shamrock and then Daisy, a lovely “goodbye sendoff” obituary appeared in the Manchester paper. Ripples I love the thought that there are ripples from everything we do. That the energy of any little “goodness” finds its own way into the universe and occasionally circles back. Elizabeth was a particularly good student in high school both scholastically and as an athlete. We hoped she would get some sort of scholarship to help with college expenses. Almost all the schools Elizabeth applied to offered her a presidential, scholastic scholarship. However, one school, Providence College, offered her a full ride – both tuition and lodging. We discovered that they had one scholarship – The Roddy Scholarship – for only one student with an interest in science / medicine. You cannot apply for this scholarship and, in fact, there is almost no way to know that it even exists. It was the prerogative of the Chair of the biology department to make the final choice. We were happily shocked when Elizabeth received the letter offering her this full scholarship. Although this was Elizabeth’s safe school, she accepted the scholarship and attended Providence for four years graduating with honors. As I got know the person in charge of the scholarship, I asked her what it was that got her to choose Elizabeth. She told me that all the students who made the final cut were terrific and Providence wanted all of them to come to their school. They all had excellent grades, had challenged themselves in advanced placement courses, and participated fully in school activities, sports and community service. “So, why choose Elizabeth?”, I asked again. She answered, “It was the dogs and the nursing home and especially doing it as a family. I just loved that.” What a ripple!
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4/13/2021 0 Comments THIRD EDUCATION - ANIMALS I love dogs. No, that doesn’t reach it. More like, if by some cosmic disaster, dogs no longer existed, it would be like a cloud always blocking the sun. When I see a dog, any kind of dog, little, big, shaggy, three legs, or really any type, I feel happy. There is something about the spirit of the species that wows me. I notice dogs leaning out of car windows, happily walking or pulling their owners, sometimes running at the beach. I see them everywhere. It has come to the point where I cannot NOT notice them. They have fully invaded my consciousness. But, it was not always so. My dog transformation began on March 17, 1987, St. Patty’s day. This is the day that Catherine, Liz (then 9) and I (just turned 40) drove to New Hampshire to get our first family dog, a 12-week-old golden retriever puppy. I had been the one who had resisted getting a dog. I thought we were far too engaged in the theatre and adding a dog would be too much. Or perhaps, probably closer to the truth, I resisted because I was completely ignorant about dogs. I had never had a dog growing up and really had no relationship with dogs. Fortunately, Catherine had grown up with dogs and already was connected with animals. We named him Shamrock, in honor of the day we got him, and which also celebrated Catherine’s Irish roots. The remarkably cute 12-week-old puppy snuggled into Elizabeth’s arms on the ride home. Shamrock became our “family” dog and really made us a better family. Catherine, Liz and I all shared the responsibilities of walking, cleaning up, feeding, playing, and just hanging out with him. It was great fun indeed. However, we soon discovered that when we all left the house, he would play with, that is, destroy all sorts of things. We found an excellent dog trainer, (Jen Kesner), who offered classes starting with puppy classes. We all went to the classes and rotated who worked with Shamrock. For those who have not been to a puppy class run by Jen, they are a wild and wondrous experience. Picture 8-10 puppies that cannot contain their energy who are introduced to some of the basics of obedience training. For example, one of the exercises was to simply sit in a circle and literally pass the puppies around. We held, patted and massaged the puppies so they would get used to different hands and energies. It was at this point that I began to notice that each puppy was quite different in how they reacted to touch. Some flopped in front of me, others pulled away, and a few snuggled in. We were advised to use a crate to teach Shamrock about peeing outside. This worked to some degree and included getting up in the middle of the night to take him out. Some months passed and we brought Shamrock to another training course, but still he was destroying things. When he ate the cushions on the couch, we knew we had to do SOMETHING. Catherine’s solution – let’s get another dog to keep him company. We all (meaning Catherine, Liz, me and Shamrock) went to a local shelter and Shamrock “interviewed” several dogs and picked one out. She was the typical looking rescue, a medium size black lab-mix with a little white spot. Elizabeth decided to call her “Daisy”. She was shy and fearful with people but a good companion for Shamrock. As a bonus, Shamrock stopped destroying things in the house when we left the dogs alone. We continued our training classes with Jen and agreed that both dogs would work on their “good citizenship” certifications. This basically means that they consistently do what you ask of them and are safe with other dogs and people. This training took at least a year and I began to actually see what it was like to live with dogs. The tale of the turkey At the time, we lived in a suburban neighborhood in Beverly, one block from an elementary school with a very large playing field in the back. A perfect spot to train Shamrock and Daisy on our nightly walks. Little by little, we allowed them more freedom to run. All was going well until Thanksgiving Day. It was dusk and we looked away for a moment and Shamrock vanished. “Come Shamrock!”, but no Shamrock. We became concerned after 5 minutes and were about to explore the neighborhood when who should return but a bouncy, happy Shamrock with a large cooked, now half-eaten, turkey in his mouth. Proud as he could be, he showed us his “catch” and pranced around. We imagined the reactions of the person who had cooked the turkey and had simply left it outside to cool off. Would they first experience disbelief (“I know I put the turkey there!”) that would then turn to irritation and anger? If this had happened now, I probably would have searched and found the person, apologized profusely and asked what I might do to help. But in those days, I looked around, (actually we all did), and seeing nobody coming, we hightailed it back home. So, to the person who cooked that lovely turkey 34 years ago, I formally apologize! 4/2/2021 0 Comments Second EducationSECOND EDUCATION My “second education” lasted 20 years, from 21-40. This corresponded quite well to what Erik Erikson, a well-known psychologist who we studied in the 1960’s – 80s, calls Young Adulthood, the 6th stage (there are 8 in total) of psychosocial development. He says that the focus of this stage is love relationships. I have selected a few pivotal events in 1976, as examples, to share my transition story into and through Young Adulthood. In February, Catherine and I got married at our home. At the time, we were living in a large, beautiful communal house with eight other people, all of us in our 20s. It was located in Brookline, MA, near Boston University and Fenway Park and served as the central gathering place for our meetings, rehearsals and group work. We were part of a larger group of approximately 60 people focused on inner / spiritual development that was organized by one man, Cesareo, a fiery Cuban and psychology professor. Our original studies included the great humanist psychologists such as Maslow, Carl Rogers, Albert Ellis, Dr. Moreno (psychodrama) and many more. Cesareo had already expanded his own approach to inner growth when, while browsing in a book store, he discovered a book by Kathryn Hulme, (she also wrote the “Nun’s Story”) called “Undiscovered Country, In Search of Gurdjieff”. It piqued his interest and he wanted to know more. His follow-through was so complete that it led him (and us) to the heart of the Gurdjieff work in Paris. This teaching formed the foundation for our group for many years, and for Catherine and me, the rest of our lives. In May, I graduated from Law School after going for four years at night. Five years earlier, Cesareo had mentioned that he had a plan to purchase a theater and create a unique vaudeville type show. He told me that this theater business would need a lawyer. He suggested (as a task) that I go to law school at night, find a way of earn the extra money during the day. I also needed to be fully available for the group work we would be doing. This I did, and it turned out to have more far-reaching positive consequences than I could have possibly imagined at the time. A note about tasks: Tasks were almost always presented as invitations (as in “your mission, if you wish to accept it.”). All of us were given general tasks such as “show up on time, no excuses”. We were also given personal tasks, both inner and outer that sometimes helped us fill in some of the “gaps” in our lives. There was almost always some level of difficulty that, at first, seemed quite impossible but generally turned out to be achievable. Tasks also had another dimension. They were NOT done just for completing the task. There was an extra purpose, inner and/or outer, that the task was to serve. Over time, it completely changed how many of us tried to approach most things in our lives. It did not matter whether it was as simple as washing the dishes or far more complex like running a business. The task was simply an activity that had, or at least could have, a meaning beyond simply getting it done. Eventually we learned to self-assign tasks, and perform them with the same intensity and commitment as when they had been assigned by Cesareo. This became a life-long practice. May – Cesareo wished to buy the Cabot Theater in Beverly. It was not on the market nor was there any clarity that the owner, E.M. Loew, a movie-theatre mogul, would agree to sell it. We had attempted to rent it for a summer a few years before, but the stage was in such disrepair that it was not feasible. A week after my law school graduation, Cesareo asked me to visit Mr. Loew and see if he would sell the Cabot to us. Taking my law school knowledge and my anxiety with me, I met with Mr. Loew, who was in his 80s at the time. After a memorable conversation (for me), he agreed to sell for a reasonable price. I think what got him to say yes was that he could see that we wanted to revive and beautify the theater that he loved. July 4th This year was the 200th anniversary of America, and an enormous Boston Pops concert was held at the Hatch Shell in Boston. Our group had been collecting beer cans and recycling the aluminum to make some extra money to donate to the theater venture. On the morning after the celebration, there was the “motherload” of beer cans stretching from the hatch shell to within a few blocks of our communal home. We gathered cans for hours. August – We became official owners of the Cabot Theatre. A large group of us spent several days cleaning the Theatre and quickly opened without fanfare. Catherine and I were both teachers so we (and several others) could devote full time to performing the many tasks required to get going. We did our best to remember that the entire theatre venture itself was simply a TASK for self-development. However, it turned out that this was not easy to do. August – Catherine and I bought a house in South Hamilton, a 15-minute drive to the Theatre. It was an old, New England house built before the civil war in need of constant repair. Catherine had a flair for fixing things and had taken some courses at the local vocational school in plumbing, tiling and electricity. We also learned wallpapering and painting as we went along. October – Based on our daughter Elizabeth’s birth the following June, she was conceived in October. It is intriguing that both Catherine and I, independently, had the intuition that we actually knew the exact night she was conceived. I wonder if that is sometimes true with other couples as well. As I look back at my “second education”, one of the main teachings that we received was to become resilient. We learned to take what came our way and make it useful in one way or another. We discovered that, to some extent, we could choose our ATTITUDE as well as the importance of where we placed our ATTENTION. These two “choice points” were our ongoing disciplines that turned into life-long practices. As I was writing this blog, I came across a simple saying, in my inbox, from the Buddhist tradition. that captures some of the teachings we were given: “Call something an obstacle, it is an obstacle. Call it an opportunity, it is an opportunity. Nothing is extraneous to the spiritual life”. |
David FeldmanDog walker, Dog Mediator, Father, Husband, Categories |