When Catherine and I completed our Cursillos, we embraced the never-ending opportunities at LaSalette. These included becoming Sextants (setting up for Mass), Sacristans (preparing the Altar), and liturgy hosts (meeting with a group to prepare for the liturgy). We joined the chorus and sang for the holidays. We attended “home gatherings” where we started to get to know the members of the community more deeply. We discovered a sincere and open group wanting to learn about themselves, and also to serve the larger community, especially those in need. We played in the yearly softball game, and rode on a rented bus to Boston to see the Black Gospel night at Symphony Hall. There were also a variety of possibilities for follow-up after our Cursillos. We helped serve meals to the new Cursillo participants, called Cursillistas, and attended prayer meetings to pray for them. Most significant for me was my “reunion” group. A reunion group is either all male or all female. Its purpose is to integrate the energy and spirit of the Cursillo into daily life. Soon after my Cursillo, Jim invited me to join his reunion group that had been running for many years. Being a part of this group for the next 15 years was a gift. It was wonderful to share our ups and down and create life-long friendships. Lenten Retreat LaSalette had planned a community weekend retreat at the beautiful Rolling Ridge conference / retreat center in North Andover. See https://www.rollingridge.org/ It was run by Father Joe and Sister Elizabeth, both of whom were loved by the community. At this point, we had been at LaSalette almost one year, and I wanted to give a present to the community. I wrote a song, learned to pick it on my banjo and sang it at the retreat. It was as if I poured my whole year into one song. I had not thought about this song for almost 20 years, and was glad to find the lyrics in my old banjo case. It has a bit of a John Denver vibe. Written for the LaSalette Community, February, 2000 THROUGH PRAYER AND BY PLAY Through an angelic presence, at an Audubon supper We were summoned to come forth, and appear at a shrine That was housed at a fairground, which was next to a stable On the day that Christ rose, blessed by bread and by wine We were welcomed by arms, extended and open We could feel the strong presence of God on our way And sweet voices sang out, relaxed and inspired And very soon after, we decided to stay Chorus Oh, a small group of people, who have gathered together To praise all creation, by what they do and they say, Are like streams from the mountains, that flow into a river And water God’s fields, through prayer and by play As pilgrims we gathered, in the rooms of your houses We saw humor and kindness, shared laughter and tears We felt lucky and happy, to be completely included In an on-going venture that has lasted for years. We played baseball, ate pizza, rode a bus into Boston Sang a Mass on the beach, blessed by water and sand Feeling a moment of no separation Like waves in the ocean, like wheat on the land CHORUS Now the language turned Spanish, we made our Cursillos I was whisked on a voyage to a magical place And guess who was waiting with arms open wide It again was Christ risen, and He showered his grace He was written on letters, He was draped on the walls He was painted on posters, and it wasn’t too long That I saw his light shining inside all my brothers And we shared deep communion through silence and song CHORUS Married 24 years to a wonderful woman There are so many lessons that have opened my heart I thought we were quite fine, before LaSalette But now I feel sure that was only a start. I’ve found a deep love renewed, for my own dearest wife I’ve been able to share more than ever before Had this blessing alone, been my only gift Then I would be content, and ask for no more. CHORUS Walking with God, as a daily companion Sensing the beauty of life all around Laughing and dancing in true celebration With my hands in the air, my feet on the ground Many thanks to you, my LaSalette family That stretches through history, to the time of Christ’s birth For your deep commitment to live His commandment To tenderly love all creatures on earth CHORUS The retreat itself was like a “graduate course” of the Cursillo. Most of the LaSalette community had made their Cursillos and also had been working on themselves for years. Many had been through a “12 step” program, one of the truly successful social programs of the last century. There was a quality of attention and silence that was available from almost all of the individuals. The retreat allowed plenty of time for reflection and connection. Father Joe and Sister Elizabeth’s talks incorporated the profound teachings of Thomas Berry whose work had already been transformative for me. I had wondered how to integrate his teachings of seeing ourselves as part of the Earth community into a Catholic / Christian community. I had already shifted my perspective from a human-centered approach and wondered if this was possible in a Catholic context. It was very gratifying to see that it was. As a surprise bonus, the images and metaphors that I had used in my song were the ones chosen for the retreat. A final gift from the retreat Sunday morning was a Mass. As it began, I looked out the window of the beautiful library we were in, and it appeared to me that the trees were dancing, dancing in the wind. I had the strange but definite impression they were inviting me outside to join them. Some enormous receptor had opened in me and my every breath was filled with awareness. My interest and curiosity about everything around me were heightened. I stood up quietly and walked down the stairs of this beautiful eighty-year-old building. I noticed the black and white tiles which were completely alive for me. Who were the men who had put these tiles in eighty years ago? Perhaps the Italian and Irish immigrants? They had left their mark, and I felt they were talking to me. Walking outside, I noticed that there was not one human in sight. The light was soft and there was a deep sense of quiet within and without. And then a crow, sitting on a branch in a tree a little above my head and to my left, began to “speak” to me. I watched her body breathe as she cawed. I got the eerie impression that she was telling me all kinds of things, but I couldn’t translate the meaning. Then, I began to hear many other crows responding in what felt like a symphonic arrangement. They were in the surrounding trees that ringed a very large open field. It felt like the orchestra of life. I don’t know how long this all lasted, maybe 10-15 minutes. It was one of the rare experiences in my life. It confirmed in every way that the track I was on was good and wholesome. I rejoined the group and took communion which had a particularly deep meaning at the moment.
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2/16/2021 0 Comments February 16th, 2021Catherine’s Cursillo happened one month after mine. The Cursillo rule for traditional couples is that the man goes first. I have heard two interpretations for this rule. The first appears to be a sad holdover from patriarchy. The second is that most women are more emotionally and spiritually advanced than their male partners. If they went first, the men would never catch up. Take your pick. After my surprising but liberating break-through at my Cursillo about separating from my own thoughts, and the flood of positive emotions that followed, I was very excited about Catherine doing hers. Every Cursillo is a personal experience, but I hoped she would really enjoy it. This was important because if we were to fully immerse ourselves in the LaSalette community, both of us would need to deeply feel it was worthwhile. Neither of us wanted to pull or push the other along. We both understood what a genuine commitment demanded. We had both made a total commitment to the Theater community that had lasted fifteen years, but that ended twelve years before. Were we willing to engage again? I was also clear that my interest was to be part of a community of cooperative adults and that leadership was a shared responsibility. We had experienced the highs and lows of a community run by a single person with a singular vision. We had no wish to experience something like that again. As I had already lived my Cursillo and was now a Cursillista, I could participate in all the surprises that would be coming Catherine’s way. In fact, I became her co-sponsor which opened up an entire realm of giving and organizing that was wonderful. This aspect of the Cursillo, supporting others, is just as powerful as actually going through it oneself. For example, in addition to collecting Palanca letters (which detail some of the efforts on behalf of Catherine) from the people at LaSalette, I invited Catherine’s parents to write a letter. Catherine was very close to her parents and I knew this would be touching for her especially in a Cursillo setting. I drove her up to St. Basil’s on Thursday night, wished her well and told her I would see her Sunday at the end. I knew that the “finale” was a beautiful ceremony where all the candidates would be on a stage and share their weekend stories with a large group of, sponsors, family and well-wishers. On Sunday night I drove to St. Basil’s and took a seat in the audience with more than 100 people. After three days of intensive retreat, this is an extremely emotional moment and people speak freely from their hearts. All the candidates were sitting on the stage. Of course, I looked for Catherine. I recognized her, but, and this is a big but, it was not how Catherine usually looks. Her face and body were so relaxed that she literally looked different to me. I wondered if this was merely my imagination or even a small hallucination, but I did not think so. I was simply happy that Catherine got her own chance to experience the retreat. It would not be too much of an invention to say that she was glowing. I have met many wonderful people in my life and there is a certain glow, an energy that often surrounds them. When Catherine’s turn came, she stood up and walked to the microphone. Her presence radiated. I couldn’t wait for her to speak, to hear what deep wisdom sounds like. She began “Three significant events occurred in my life this year. The first was my 25th anniversary (pause) of my 25th birthday.” It took the audience a moment to get the joke and then laughter filled the room. “The second “gift” I received was that I got breast cancer. The third was this Cursillo.” She continued sharing some of her insights and gratitude for the weekend and the inspiration she received from the other women in her Cursillo. Her presence was truly remarkable. Her rhythm and pauses were so natural and easy. The room went silent. In the more than 25 years that I had known her, I had never seen her quite like this. Her little talk was so electrifying that several men who had been at my Cursillo including the Rector (the person who ran it), came over to me later and asked if I were her sponsor. When I told them that I was her husband, they smiled and said “you are one lucky guy.” I agreed. After our Cursillos, we were both clear that, surprising as it was, LaSalette might actually be for us. It was intriguing to me that my next step into becoming Catholic / Christian had nothing whatsoever to do with belief. I did not meet LaSalette or the Cursillo experience on the level of belief. I simply met it with an open heart. A vision at Disneyworld - Fifteen years earlier, when Elizabeth was a child, we went on a family vacation to Disneyworld in Florida. We were all enjoying one of their fantastic waterparks with many slides set up around a large pool. The slides were varied, some curved, some covered, some high and straight, some with animal figures, and even one for toddlers. The thought occurred to me that these slides were the different religions and spiritual ways on our planet. At their best, they all emptied into the pool; the great mystery of life. How one got into the pool was only secondary. My main interest was the pool. And yet, I was willingly embarking on an adventure on one of the slides. It was a slide with its own stories, beliefs, truths and myths that appeared to have found me and invited me along for the ride. What is a Cursillo - The Cursillo is a three-day Christian retreat. The Cursillo movement began in Majorca, Spain in the 1940s and has made its way around the globe. It arrived in the United States in the 1960s. The Spanish word “Cursillo” actually means “a little course” and the Cursillo is a little course in Christianity and an opportunity to deepen one’s relationship with Christ. At the time of my Cursillo, I knew almost nothing about the history or what to expect at this retreat. I was content to stay ignorant and let it unfold. I had gone on many retreats in my life, and I cannot think of even one that wasn’t worthwhile in one way or another. My story starts on a drizzly Thursday night in October, 1999. Jim, my Cursillo sponsor and a long-time member of the LaSalette Faith Community, picked me up in his Honda Civic hatchback and drove through the back roads to St. Basil’s Salvatorian Center in Methuen, where I would spend the weekend with about 50 other men I did not know. The only two requirements for the Cursillo were that I be sponsored by someone in a Christian / Catholic community, and that I was baptized. My prior baptism story was sketchy at best. I had been brought up Jewish and began exploring other traditions in my late teens and early twenties. When I was 22, a dear Catholic friend and mentor baptized me in a personal ceremony and explained that it was “legal” within the Catholic tradition. Jim strongly suggested that I not go into details about my baptism because some at the Cursillo might not recognize it. I agreed. Even when I was young, I have always had a deep sense of the sacred and a personal encounter with Christ seemed somewhat superfluous to me. And yet, here I was on the way to this retreat. Over the three-day retreat, there were fifteen talks on various Christian topics. We were arranged at tables of 8-10 men with a leader who was part of the Cursillo team. We listened and then shared our understanding including what inspired, challenged or bothered us. The first talk was about the history of life from a literal biblical point of view. The fixed position, the lack of modern or even ancient science, and the arrogance of the patriarchal “one true way” did not work for me at all. In fact, it was a clear reflection of all the reasons I did not and still do not connect with fundamentalism in any religion. “Oh no, this is awful,” I thought to myself. “This may be a very long weekend.” Most of the men at my table came from very difficult circumstances, including prison, alcohol, drugs or lousy relationships. Some felt coerced by their parole officers, wives or girlfriends to attend. In fact, the Cursillo is intentionally set up so that there is no easy “escape.” I was at a different point in my life and spiritual journey. I was 52 years old, happily married for 23 years and had a wonderful daughter in the Peace Corps in Paraguay. Catherine and I lived on a lovely little farm with horses, dogs, cats, chickens and ducks and all sorts of wildlife. I had a good job, friends and, all in all, a very lucky and fulfilling life. I was not particularly clear on what I was doing at this retreat. One of the surprises (there were many) was that we received heart-felt handwritten letters from the community members that supported us. These letters were called “Palanca”, a Spanish word literally meaning “lever”. In these letters, people detailed the prayers and sacrifices they would make for me so that I might be lifted in my spiritual life. Whether it was these letters or not, something changed “in me” on Friday (the first full day). I realized in a direct and emotional way, that this was my Cursillo, my life, and I was totally responsible for my experience. Without any “effort” on my own part, I was able to separate from my thoughts about the stupidity and rigidity of some of the presentations. It wasn’t that I had to give up rationality or good common sense, quite the contrary. Something in me shifted just enough so I could let the thoughts be. I was more present and receiving everything more emotionally. What a subtle but remarkable liberation. As I now looked around the table, I saw the men in a different way. My wish was to accompany them as we all worked through our issues together. I had already received this wonderful gift and wanting anything else for myself felt a bit greedy. I had the rest of the weekend to do my best to be there for others, as they began to drop their armor and open their hearts. One of my brothers at the table, Peter, around 40 years old with a life situation more similar to my own. He was married with children, had a good job and seemed quite functional. In our free time, we enjoyed chatting with other. Early Saturday morning, as we were all singing our way down a corridor heading for a prayer service, Peter grabbed my arm and also corralled one of the more enlightened priests, whom I had met the night before in my first “confession”. Peter dragged both of us into a little room for a private talk. This was so out of character for the Cursillo that something in me instantly perked up. Peter was distressed and explained to the priest that the evening before at his confession, he was told (by a different priest) that he should leave the Cursillo. The reason for this odd request was that Peter had been baptized in the Unitarian church and the priest did not consider that to be adequate. The enlightened priest then said, “For the purpose of this Cursillo, you are fully baptized. You do not have to leave and are invited to fully participate in all aspects of everything that goes on here.” I could see Peter relax as he took all this in. “However, if you feel that your baptism is not complete, then perhaps someday you may want to look at that.” I had not said one word, just observed. Obviously if Peter’s baptism was suspect, mine was almost non-existent. I wondered if the advice of the priest might apply to me. I filed that thought away. Next Blog – Catherine’s Cursillo . |
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